The New Yorker
An Oral History of Isaac Newton “Discovering” Gravity, as Told by His Contemporaries
With This Facebook Like, I Hereby Acknowledge That You Got Married
Introducing the Brand-New Historic District
The Secret to Success Is Failure, or I Guess Not Failing Would Also Work
Other Luxury Food Items That Used to Be Considered Disgusting
McSweeney’s
The Diary of a Settler of Catan
Casey “At the Bat” Responds to That Mean Poem About Him
Studio Notes on the Moon Landing
We Can Get This Startup Revenue-Neutral, by Simply Running Out of Money and Firing Everyone
Actually, I’m Teaching These Kids Way More Than They’re Teaching Me
Above Average
Women Always Choose Loud Assholes Over Guys Like Me, The Quiet Assholes
Guy With Barbed Wire Tattoo Must Really Not Want His Bicep To Get Out
My Dealer Sold Me A Bag Of Oregano, But Joke’s On Him: I Love Oregano
“Why Can’t Both Sides Just Respect Each Other?” Says Stupid Piece Of Shit
Hero: This Man Starts One Fire A Week So Firemen Will Always Have Work
Mark Wahlberg Thinks For Next Role He Might Like To Play A Boston Cop
Embarrassing: This Group Of Kids All Wore The Same T-Shirt To Disneyland
Don’t Even Talk To Me Before I’ve Had My Morning Taco Salad
Lone Glove On Sidewalk A Metaphor For How Sometimes People Lose Gloves
I Brushed My Teeth Every Day For A Week And Here’s What I Learned
The Kicker
Peyton Manning Celebrates Super Bowl Win With Ten Of His Closest Brands
Jets Fan Doesn’t Even Cut Eyeholes In Paper Bag
Opinion: LeBron Will Never Catch Jordan In Terms Of Age
Sam Bradford Throws Fit, Fit Gets Intercepted And Returned For TD
Phil Mickelson Spends Relaxing Day Off Doing Office Work In A Cubicle
Goodell Penalizes Pats 20 Yards For Celebrating Super Bowl Win
Cocaine Embarrassed To Be Found With Greg Hardy
Almost Ready: Conor McGregor Asks If Boxing Is “The One With Your Feet”
Compromise: Penn State Installs Statue Of Joe Paterno Looking The Other Way
Mark Sanchez Placed On Mark Sanchez List
Trop
Ideas for Filling Out the World in My Fantasy Novel
Am I Ready to Order? I Just Got Back from Italy, So You Tell Me.
Bygone Bureau
If We Didn’t Laugh, We’d Cry, or Vice Versa
Hot Hot Phone
Being a Plastic Surgeon Is More Rewarding Than You Think
Scenes From Next Year’s Oscar-Nominated Biopics
Next-Level Viral Marketing Pranks to Put Our Agency on the Map
The Higgs Weldon
How to Figure Out Your Porn Star Name
I’m Sick of Your Passive-Aggressive Bullshit
Defenestration
Hobart
Janice
This Kid Plays the Game the Right Way
Points in Case
We Have Created a Computer That Can Feel Love, But Unfortunately It Sucks at Chess
Curbed
My Kitchen Is On Fire. Is That In Style?
Is It Immoral to Declaw My Clawfoot Tub?
Is It Tacky to Put Balustrades in My Turrets?
How Do I Decorate My Daughter’s Room So She Ends Up Liking the Same Music As Me?
Just Out of Curiosity, How Do You Remove Blood Stains?
How Do I Spruce Up the Pit I Dug to Trap Intruders?
If I Get My Son a Murphy Bed Will He Turn Into a 1930s Slapstick Comedian?
Here’s a List of Projects Martha Stewart Could Have Done While She Was Trapped in an Elevator